Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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