I'm so fucking centered right now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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