Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
