my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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