When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
