Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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