You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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