:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
