the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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