just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
