i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize