this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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