Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
