im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
