I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
