I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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