Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
