Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
