I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
3 2 1 whiskey
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
