I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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