I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
