I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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