I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
