Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
