youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize