A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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