Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
