had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
