you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
