My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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