i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
