I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
