were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
