Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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