how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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