What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize