The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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