i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
