I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
