Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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