I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
