halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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