Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
