tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
