if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
