I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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