Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize