I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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