please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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