I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
