No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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