Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
