I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The ass gains better be worth it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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