You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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