Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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