I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
