Soap is not a condiment
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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