I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize