I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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