your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
