I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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