We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
