Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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