Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
