Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
