i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
