Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
