You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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