I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
