I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
