Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
